Monday, May 29, 2006

Long Life

Honor your father and mother.

I just don't know how to do that anymore.

My father left my mother; He didn't feel loved. She performed all her Proverbs 31 duties... but because of her cold heart, she will always be alone.

My mother hurts and scares her family to control them: because she is scared. She called me and tried to scare me with all the "What If's" about a baby being overdue. YOU DON'T DO THAT TO A PREGNANT WOMAN ON HER DUE DATE!

I seem to remember last Memorial Day weekend... (Dream sequence) We were voted for unanimously to start a new church in Westwood. I called my mom to share the happy news. She proceeded to tell me:

"You are leaving the only support you have" "You are giving up all your financial security" "You are going to ruin your children" "You have no idea how to start a church" (Back to reality)

It was her way of saying: "Don't go, I will miss you". I didn't talk to her for 3 months and sought the sollice of Ben and Jerry's.

I have dreamed of having a mother... like the ones in movies... especially "little women": Supporting me and encouragine me no matter what crazy choices I make. I have dreamed of having a father who doesn't act like a 16 year old, following his feelings.

I am so fragile.

It would be better for me to live without parents, than to bend and flex with each of their words.

1 comment:

Pastor Fred said...

Hi Jenn,
Remember that while we do not get to choose our earthly parents, we do get to choose our Heavenly Father. He has a wonderful plan for you. You are loved and supported by many brothers and sisters in addition to our Father.
His timing is perfect.