Wednesday, December 27, 2006


Yesterday, it was raining. So I decided to go to Walmart. While going over the pass, 2 OLDER cars... one was probably a dodge reliant... were stuck in the snow at the top. The other side of the pass was dry and clear. After shopping, I noticed it was raining and figured CalTrans would be stopping people at the pass. When I got to the pass, it was still raining and no snow. But they told me to get my chains out. I explained that I had studded snow tires. But they insisted. I called my husband and asked for tips on our cables. (No, I have never used cables... and I haven't used chains in FOREVER!) As I was pouting about putting on chains and looking at the 2 inches of standing water by the side of the road... an 18 wheeler came down from the pass with no chains on... I went and asked one of the Cal Trans workers on break, "Why would a big truck like that come over without chains?" He said they might not be stopping people on the other side. I asked if highway patrol was on the hill and he replied, "No...." So I threw the cables in the back and went on my merry way. I figured if an 18 wheeler could make it down... I SURELY COULD!

Yeah, yeah... I am a crazy moron for trying such a "stunt". And it was quite yucky at the top. Everyone was taking it slow and it was not that bad. And the dodge reliant was still there.

But earlier in the day, The Kerr family's van was stuck on the same pass and a tow truck removed it promptly. I bet that dodge reliant is still there!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas!

We are having a wonderful Christmas morning... It started at 4 am with our children singing Christmas tunes. UG. We finally got up at 5! It is 6:41 and we have opened all our presents and look what Santa brought!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Computer games

Maggie was playing a computer game... and NOT winning.

Maggie screams, "I'm being manicured!"

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Friday, December 15, 2006

Introducing the class of 2019

Maggie's kindergarten Christmas

Video coming soon!

I hate the hollidays!

Sanity dwindleing...

...where is a good mental health professional when you need them?

I hate the "busy busy"!

I hate the forgetfulness of others.

I hate the fact that no one washes their hands after going to the bathroom during the flu season! I DON'T CARE IF THE WATER IS COLD!

Monday, December 11, 2006

I did better than I thought!

You paid attention during 86% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Christmas terminology

While driving home from the Greenville church, we saw beautiful christmas lights.

Abbie: Look, SPRINKLES!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

That's Weird!

Alex and Kristen Skillen are here to play today. Alex and Kristen are the youngest of 4 boys and Kristen is the only girl.

I mentioned that Abbie was upstairs and Kristen asked, "Who?"

"My other daughter" I responded.

Blank look on her face.

"I have 3 girls"

No responce.

"There are three girl children living here."

She turned and walked away... I overheard:

"That's Weird!"

Something I love...

I love my husband's footprint. His toes make the perfect prints! It is just something I find cute!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Kind snow.

I figured it would be really hard driving to Susanville on the road where my aunt died. But all the beautiful colors of fall (which were present on that hard day) are now hidden from me. The entire landscape is colorless. The sides of the road are covered with huge waves of snow from the plow. I can't even see where we pulled over to find her gone.

While I don't really like the cold wet snow... I am finding it's white blanket very merciful.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Back in westwood

UG SNOW! So I am away from home for a week and a half and the house is a mess, the kids are still sick and now I am sick and not in the mood for this mess or SNOW! I am trying to listen to Christmas music to lighten my mood... good luck with that!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Location: Ventura

Most of the people who read my blog... know that I am in my home town right now mourning the loss of my aunt.

She was not an aunt by blood but by choice. She drove my grandma to the hospital when my mom was born... and has followed my mom ever since.

On the 21st of October, my mom, aunt (Titi) and my 9 year old brother and sister, came to Westwood to meet my new baby. On tuesday the 24th, we were driving to Susanville and going over a pass when my aunt said she felt dizzy. Since she has spent the last 55 years at sea level... I didn't think much of it and told her we would be going down soon. She passed out.

I pull over as soon as possible... but she was gone. We drove as quickly as we could to the hospital but her pupils were fixed and dialated. No electrical heart activity. She left us.

What a way to go! She was surrounded by the kids she loved (Brenna, Isaac, Abbie and Amie) and was in no fear. Many times we are reminded how terrible we would feel if we had to break into her apartment where she lived alone and worry if she was scared or felt pain. But she passed out, never knew what was happening, never knew the inside of the ER or a nursing home.

We had a memorial service for her. Many people stood up and told their stories about how they knew her. There were probably 70 people there.

Friday, October 20, 2006

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Warning! Warning! My robot is flailing wildly!

Warning: The next person to tell me, "This too shall pass," will die a slow and painful death.
Thank you and have a great day

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Where babies USED to come from... by Maggie

Maggie is watching Dumbo.

"Mama, when was Dumbo made?"

"I don't know baby... before I was born."

"It was made back when people thought babies came in bags."

Monday, October 09, 2006

Ego boost

Maggie and I were driving along listening to the local christian radio station, when a song that Jason sings came on.

Maggie asked, "Did you turn papa's cd on?"

"No honey, it is a different guy on the radio who wrote the song."

"He is better" Maggie replied.

"Who is better?" I asked.

"Papa!" She announced.

"I agree baby"

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Just mean

Every channel on TV has a movie about a dog this morning! Old yeller, turner and hooch, dog whisperer... you name it. Maybe I don't need to be watchin tv this AM.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Too Sad

Lola was hit (AGAIN) by a truck and killed right in front of me. It was VERY traumatic! She died quickly though. That was a blessing. I wouldn't have survived if she had to suffer.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Amie and Jason at 4 months.

Could these two be any more related?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

What are dreams made of?

Since my brain takes a full 6 months to process something into a dream... Amie hasn't yet entered my dream life. But last night Amie was trying to nurse while I slept and because I wasn't quite cooperating... she scratched me up! So in my dream I was trying to nurse a MACAW!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Nothing falling from the sky!

Maggie normally panics over EVERYTHING! But today she lost tooth #2 and when it fell from her mouth... she never saw it again... apparently the tooth fairy has a "tooth magnet" that will go to the school and find it!

Thursday, September 21, 2006


Abbie has started singing at the top of her lungs this week. She also sings while she splashes in the bath. Maggie (Who is also in the bath) is screaming, "Abbie, I'm not in the mood!" and Abbie replies, "Maggie, na na na nude!"

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Amie has a new seat. I gave in and purchased it when Amie decided that she wanted to sit up at least 6 hours a day. My arms were getting tired! Now she can sit in front of me when I type, sew, cook and wash dishes!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

In loving memory

We have had the same 10 fish for the last 2 years. When we moved last year, we placed 2 plecostomus and 8 neon tetras in large jars and moved 622 miles north. The next day, we found our fish tank broken. So DAYS later I went to walmart and purchased a replacement... it had missing pieces! So I mixed and matched the pieces together and gave our fish their new home.

Just yesterday... one of our plecostomus fish finally gave in after a long illness. He is survived by his friends plecostomus and tetras 1 through 8.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Lost in translation

Abbie keeps telling me that Jason is over at the church. When I say, "No baby. Papa is in Africa." She reminds me, "Papa, a na CHURCH" She says CHURCH nice and slow so I can catch on!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Trying to get the kids to pose!


Maggie... warning! it's long!

Abbie is quite the singer

Amie's second try

Amie's first movie

Still no news

I haven't heard from Jason yet. He landed 13 hours ago in Uganda. I know his plane landed safely 45 mins late... but that is about it. It is 9 pm his time and I doubt I will hear from him today. Tomorrow he starts his travels around the country and will have no chance to communicate. I guess I am just lonely. Grammarge comes in 2 days... so we will have someone to talk to.

Monday, September 04, 2006


Wow! Time sure flies! She is such a wonderful baby!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

What a day!

Maggie lost her first tooth! She is HYSTERICAL! And... so am I. She lost it at school. She walked to the nurses office (BY HER SELF!) and recieved a tooth shaped box to keep her tooth in.

I was down in Chico with Becky and Heather

We had TONS OF FUN! And went to many of the craft stores in town.

My mom and my littlest brother and sister got a dog today and are loveing "louie" !

Anyways... tired... can't think or spell... must sleep to live!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

How do people do this?

I am doing my best to be edifying and not cuss like a sailor!

But how in the *&#$ do uneducated people manage to cut through all the red tape!

We are on food stamps and Medi-Cal... when Amie was born I called and asked what I needed to give them. MY NEW case worker told me I needed to get a birth certificate. So I gave her a birth certificate. I new I needed a SS# and went to the SS Office. They said I needed a birth certificate and another form of identification. But because she was born at home... we had nothing. So I needed a medi-cal #. I called my case worker. SHE NEVER ANSWERS THE PHONE! But 4 days later I get a medi-cal card in the mail. Then my husband gets laid off. She asks for proof of unemployment amount. I sent it to her. Then I get a letter in the mail stating I need to give her proof of termination (Doesn't unemployment count?!?) and 1 months worth of paycheck stubs. After doing all of this I thought I was in the clear. Then I get a letter saying that my food stamps are being canceled at the end of the month! UG! So I read that unemployment is paying us $1800 a month and it is $200 more than the allowed income for 4 people... Well we have 5... clearly she didn't add Amie. So I call... NO ANSWER and leave 3 messages over 2 days. I get a letter in the mail saying she needs a SS#. So I call up the SS office and ask when Amie's card is coming. THEY HAVEN'T EVEN PROCESSED THE APPLICATION! So last week I was told my application would be processed and I would have a SS Card within 7 - 10 business days. But in that time... my food stamps will be canceled! So I called my caseworker and LEFT ANOTHER MESSAGE! I kindly asked for help. I have no idea what to do. That was friday... On Monday night I got an EMAIL from the SS office saying they have lost my application... and could I come back to fill out another one?!?!


So I called my caseworker again today (Tuesday) to ask for help and still have no responce.

I am a well educated woman with a car that works and a husband at home who can watch the kids while I deal with this. How do others who are less fortunate DO THIS?!?!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

I hate to send dumb jokes through email... so I will post it on my blog!

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called The United States Redneck Special Forces.
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1) The "season" opened today.

2) There is no limit.

3) They taste just like chicken.

4) They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.

5) They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

6) Their favorite movie is BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

We expect the problem in Iraq to be over by next Friday.

oh them....

About those voices in your head... don't answer them! That is what they want!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Doggie cup?

This evening at the table, Abbie grabs her sippy cup and says, "My bottle."

I answered, "You mean, SIPPY CUP"

She replied, "My sicky pup"

First day of school

Mama: How was your day?

Maggie : Not so fun.

Mama: Oh dear! How come?

Maggie: No one will let me have any fun!

Mama: Do you like your teachers?

Maggie: Well, they are the trouble! Their rules won't let me have any fun!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Going Faster

Time seems to be flying. My girls are going back to school...

Where did our summer go?

Sunday, August 13, 2006

My Beeeee-u-tiful girls


We just took this picture today....

We wanted to take the picture with the girls matching before Amie grows out of her 2006 4th of july outfit.... I doubt I can use this as a "hand-me-down"

Friday, August 04, 2006

Quite a start

Maggie has taken 96 photos for her first lesson on photography... here are some samples:

Monday, July 24, 2006


Maggie has a loose tooth and is plotting it's demise. She can't wait to see what the tooth fairy will leave her.

Oh where is my passport?!?!

Jason (Husband) cannot find his passport... so we had to take new photos... isn't he cute?!?!

Hee hee!

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!


Pediatricians handing out free formula coupons!

Isn't a pediatrician handing out formula coupons like a dentist who hands out toffee?

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Hymn funny

Dentist's Hymn...Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman's Hymn.....There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor's Hymn..............The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn................Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn.............. There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn................Standing on the Promises
Optometrist's Hymn....................Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn................I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn.....................Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn..............Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn..................Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor's Hymn..................... I've Got a Mansion, Just Over theHilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn.... He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn....................... The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
45mph....................God Will Take Care of You
65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee
85mph....................This World Is Not My Home
95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home
100mph.........Precious Memories

Tagging? Isn't that what you do to billboards and the sides of busses?

Apparently I have been tagged by Becky or Rebecca... I have no idea what this means... but she was tagged by someone who was tagged by another... and they all filled out this:

Accent: I parrot the accent I am listening to.

Bible Book that I like: Proverbs

Chore I don’t care for: Mopping the floor... especially the bathroom floor!

Dog or Cat: Yes and yes.

Essential Electronics: TV.

Favorite Movie: The Crow.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Handbag I Carry Most Often: Red Dragonfly Sally Spicer bag.

Insomnia: Uh... yes?!?!

Job Title: Ring leader

Kids: Maggie - 5, Abbie - 2 , Amie - 6 weeks

Living Arrangements: Parsonage.

Most Memorable Moment: Getting Married

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: My lawyer has informed me of my right to: PLEED THE FIFTH!

Phobia: Water.

Overnight Hospital Stays: My first two girls and my gallbladder.

Quote: You're just jealous the voices talk to me!

Religion: Christian.

Siblings: Greg (Marine/super mover!), Jake (CPA extraordinare), Isaac (The sports guru), Brenna (The shy superstar)

Time I Wake Up: Which time?

Unusual Talent: Touching my nose with my tongue.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Beets

Worst Habit: Scratching my head until it bleeds.

X-rays: Orthodontal, chest and ankle... BTW ~Don't wear an underwire bra for a chest x-ray!~

Yummy Stuff I Cook: Fresh tortillas, black beans and rice, guac, salsa, deviled eggs... WAY too many things!

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Lions.

I shall not tag anyone...

Thursday, July 20, 2006


Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

I want tons of kids so...


Grandchildren bring joy, happiness, and laughter, while still allowing you to get a good night’s sleep!

“Grandchildren are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their parentage.”Proverbs 17:6

Saturday, July 15, 2006

International Breastfeeding Icon Contest is having a contest for the best Breastfeeding Icon... to use for signs on nursing rooms and so forth... Currently a picture of a bottle is being used... for "NURSING" rooms in airports and malls! I emailed my contribution today... and here it is:
I think it is great!

Don't tell nobody!

Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family. ~Homer Simpson

Friday, July 14, 2006

Nothing in life is free!

"Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the Sun every year."

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Complaints I do not have the backbone to say outloud

My husband (No I am not complaining about him!) has a post on his calling to ministry.

I went to Africa when I was 14 and new that was "home". I knew that sky was my sky and these people were my people. I knew that the people of Africa needed Ethnomusiclogists (Though I didn't know it had a fancy word!) and I decided that was where I was going to dedicate my life. From then on it was part of my testimony: "I am going to be a missionary!"

Now where am I? I am in a small town in Northern California (Which I love). But it is not Africa. My husband is planning his second trip to Africa since we have been married. I ask God, "Why can't I go?!?" But the answer is clear, "You have a new baby to look after."

So I look for my calling here. I have jumped on "good ideas" for ministry and after being here 10 months, nothing I have touched has grown. In reality, if I was to step away from the things I started, no one would pick them up. Our church is growing, but our women's ministry is not. Emotionally I feel rejected by God and the other women of my community. I know that the other women would say, "we are just so busy" or make other excuses for why they don't attend. But they also don't invite anyone they know. I don't know many people in town... and maybe that is another problem.

It doesn't help that my family waits for me to call... they don't call me. My dad won't answer when I call and won't call me back. They don't visit me. My husband's entire family came for a 10 days. His parents and sister have been 6 times already.

I don't pray much anymore. Mostly because I am sleep deprived and spend 16 hours a day sleeping, eating or feeding a little baby. But even when I have the time, I find my prayer time bitter. Many of the things I have prayed for (Some of them since I was 10) have been answered with a "no". A few prayers have been answered with a "trade". It is as if God said, "I know you wanted "this", but I am going to give you something else. It is very similar and you will thank me in the long run."

I ask God, "Why me?" Pathetic really. I know that there is a purpose for all of this. I just feel like each of my problems, unanswered prayers, and my losses are like millstones around my neck. Each time I give them to God, I get another. It seems like I can't get away from them. Then after my prayers to resolve these "millstones" come back as a resounding "NO" I take all my millstones back and carry them around with me.

Some of my millstones are painted and carved with such anger at the negative response... I fear them. I fear what people would think if they saw them now. The stone itself is not harmful, but the hate that now covers them (through my bitterness) is crushing.

I am afraid that most of this rant will be considered post partum depression. But honestly, I have felt this way for some time... probably 2 years now. I can't help how I feel. I try to keep my outside looking normal/calm/cool/collected. But inside I am always a mess. Some days I feel rejected by God. Most days I feel rejected by my family. I always feel rejected by myself. I don't even want to be around me.

Sunday, July 09, 2006


"Childhood is something you spend the rest of your life to overcome" from the movie Hope Floats. Ok... it was swimming in country music, but it was an ok movie. This was one of the last lines in the movie. I am finding that it is so true! You spend your 20's trying to scrape yourself off of your family and become your own family. I am finally starting to see myself clearly without my millstone of a family around my neck.


Amie has a blocked tear duct and often has green goo coming from that eye. Upon noticing this, Abbie said, "Oh No! Poop in the eye!"

Saturday, July 08, 2006

A story of Abbie and the illusive potty

Abbie is useing the potty every day... but only once a day before her bath. We will try to reinforce additional use of this illusive but important skill.

Can you tell?

Who is who... Can anyone tell which baby is which?

Friday, July 07, 2006

More 4th of July

We really did have a great time! My girls played with their boy cousins of the same age.... it is amazing how different boys and girls are!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Me...? A show off? .... Well maybe... (Sleepless midnight Ramblings)

Ok. Yes I am a show off! I spent this last week showing off my new daughter to my husband's entire family... minus a few cousins. I was also showing off how tall and how long Maggie's hair is and how well Abbie has done since we moved.

It has been quite a crazy week. It started off with his Maternal grandparents staying with us... two days later his parents and sister came... 3 days later... we packed up and drove 3 hours to show off to the paternal side of his family and spent 3 days there.

Finally, we are home! It is good to be home. I enjoyed my time with his family. They are neat people.

But, on my usual depressing note: I want to show off to my family! I want to say, "Here, I did this myself, without medical help, the way I wanted to!" This was the first time I really stood up for what I wanted. My family will not be visiting us because of financial reasons. Even though my family has plenty of money... they chose to spend it on an ugly divorce. Plus, my family hasn't really traveled in 16 years. I have already gone down to "the war zone" twice since moving up here. I am not interested in packing up 3 kids and driving 10 hours strait to see them. I don't want to see my mom, crying alone... I don't want to see my dad happy, free, healthy and thin with his girlfriend. But then again.. I don't want to see it like it was either... it has been ugly for a long time.

Anyone want to adopt a crunchy, wannabe homesteader?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Where can I go from here?

I haven't heard from my dad in almost 3 weeks. Is he not calling/answering to punish me for the week I didn't call/answer my phone? Is he afraid of what I will say about his new girlfriend?(Who is my age... and no the divorce isn't final yet) What ever it is, I don't know why I can't just live and let die. I have some strange attachment to these humans. I can't just stop cold turkey.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Amie at 3 weeks!

She now weighs 9 lbs 9 ozs.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Things that Hallmark Cards don't say

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the heck was I thinking?"
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you .
I've changed my mind.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Georgia and Texas)
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -
We have been friends for a very long time .
Let's say we stop?
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
- - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - -
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

Friday, June 23, 2006

They are finally together...

She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
"Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied,
"I think he means her legs."

Friday, June 16, 2006

24 hour Dairy Queen

Abbie was watching me pump milk for our new baby... she was quite facinated and tried to talk to me about it. Lacking all necessary verbs and most of the nouns... she finally decided that I was getting milk out of my belly button.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Why wait?

Cholesterol kills more people than guns ~

According to Larry the cable guy, Anti gun people would save more lives if they put a 5 day wait on Popeye's fried chicken.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Farewell to stumpy.

Amie's umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday. This has given Abbie great relief! She has been very disturbed that her "belly button stuck!" Now she looks like Abbie thinks she should.

Friday, June 09, 2006

“High-risk Lovemaking”

“High-risk Lovemaking”

This is HYSTERICAL! It involves a conversation between a husband and wife... It is meant to make fun of Radical Homebirth arguments.

I love it!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Next time... Africa!

Some celebrities have the right idea! I will go to Africa to have my next baby. Aparently my family is pissy about me not answering the phone for 4 days after my due date. It also could contain some anger for the unassisted homebirth.

Honestly, I don't see how it is anyones business. I do not have to explain my self to ANYONE!

I originally made a big post about the national statistics on unassisted homebirth vs. the local hospital's #'s... but once again... it isn't your business! If you can't trust we are doing what is right and best for us and our family... I don't know what to tell you.

Calling on my due date, warning me of all the "risks" and trying to scare me... is just mean. Calling the rest of the family and getting them to call me... is wrong! Calling our work, friends and our friends family (WHO WERE ON VACATION) is TERRIBLE! If you are going to treat me like that, I don't need you. I will not be controlled by you.

I am going to continue to do what is right for me and my family. If you cannot respect that... and NEVER bring it up again. Then I cannot have contact with you. I cannot live, fearing what you will say or how you feel about every decision I make.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Finally... Amie arrives!

Here she is! 9 lbs. 5 ozs, 14 inch head and 21 inches long!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Abbie's so sad tummy

For 2 nights in a row, Abbie has been throwing up. She is fine during the day. Our sheets are in the wash AGAIN and it is 3 am. Jason and Abbie are asleep right now in the guest bedroom trying to get SOME sleep.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Just add counceling

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I Clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his Wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your Radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar Detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing Your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took It off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have Your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver Turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband Always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Getting even

When I'm an old lady I'll live with each kid

And bring so much happiness ..just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided
Returning each deed! Oh they'll be so excited!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll write on the wall with red whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture..wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach.
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap thier fingers and then shake thier head.

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat.
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry, I'll run if I'm able.

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away.
And play in the mud till the end of the day.

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes,
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping"

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Didn't sleep

I laid down at 2 am... I was awake at 6 am. I tossed and turned all night. It is amazing how just a few little words ruin a good night's sleep.

I have decided no to talk to any family until the baby is born... to keep my mind free and clear.

Why am I still awake?

I am doing homework. No, I am not in school. I am researching a rebuttle to my family and my inlaws concerns about my pregnancy.

Both my mom and my in laws called and used scare tactics on my due date. I can't imagine a more mean/rude/inconciderate thing to do to a woman who is about to pop!

God has miraculously stitched this person together in the secret place of my womb... He will not just abandon me to the medical profession the second birth is upon us!

I just had to try it...

Here are the places I have been so far

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Monday, May 29, 2006

Long Life

Honor your father and mother.

I just don't know how to do that anymore.

My father left my mother; He didn't feel loved. She performed all her Proverbs 31 duties... but because of her cold heart, she will always be alone.

My mother hurts and scares her family to control them: because she is scared. She called me and tried to scare me with all the "What If's" about a baby being overdue. YOU DON'T DO THAT TO A PREGNANT WOMAN ON HER DUE DATE!

I seem to remember last Memorial Day weekend... (Dream sequence) We were voted for unanimously to start a new church in Westwood. I called my mom to share the happy news. She proceeded to tell me:

"You are leaving the only support you have" "You are giving up all your financial security" "You are going to ruin your children" "You have no idea how to start a church" (Back to reality)

It was her way of saying: "Don't go, I will miss you". I didn't talk to her for 3 months and sought the sollice of Ben and Jerry's.

I have dreamed of having a mother... like the ones in movies... especially "little women": Supporting me and encouragine me no matter what crazy choices I make. I have dreamed of having a father who doesn't act like a 16 year old, following his feelings.

I am so fragile.

It would be better for me to live without parents, than to bend and flex with each of their words.

So I haven't felt like bloggin

My mind is trapped by only one subject... Get this kid out!

To blog on anything else... seems impossible.

Today is my due date.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Not bad... try it out!

Your Observation Skills Get A B

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!
How Observant Are You?

I always figured I was pretty Observant... try it out and tell me how you did!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Just a good quote

"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing.In our culture we apply for a curse and reject a blessing.Something is wrong with this picture." - Doug Phillips

Monday, May 15, 2006


My husband and I have been blessed by our parent church. Last night they had a baby shower in our honnor. It was mothers day and people came anyway. It was very special.

This church has supported our church, our family and now our baby. I feel very blessed.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

California Dreamin'

I have been having good/vivid baby dreams lately.

The best one was last night: I was sitting on the couch in our old house and holding the baby. My mom comes in and asks, "Is it a boy or a girl"... I told her: "I didn't even look".

The baby had a square head like mine and looked a lot like my brother Greg...

We will see!

Monday, May 08, 2006

At least the 2 year old is honest!

Maggie is already planning her birthday... NEXT JANUARY! She is planning on singing for all of her friends. (By the way ~ She can't sing!)

Maggie: "We will go over to the church and I will play my guitar and sing"

Abbie: "EEEEW! NO!"

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Can you feel it?

It is begining to thaw... no really! I know we just got 2 feet of snow... but in my bones, I can feel it. Something inside me tells me to plant this week and start thinking about chickens... spring may be here for good this time!

I hate to brag...

This was in my reading today:

Proverbs 20:3 Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.

I could have gone to animal control to pick up my dog... instead, I sent my husband who is gifted in the art of "holding his tougue". I am working on that... but until then, I will just avoid being in that situation!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Is it strength or an illusion?

Proverbs 18:14 14 A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?
I don't want to exibit a crushed spirit. I am really good at being strong. I need to evaluate if my strength is my pride. My words come out sounding happy... but the stories always end badly. (I need more happy stories in my life) I don't want to be unbearable!

Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
I am working on this...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Here is a better one!

Last night Jason slept in the girls room (on the floor) "just in case".

Maggie gets up in the middle of the night with a bad dream, steps over him and comes down stairs. She comes and gets into bed with me and I reminded her that papa was up stairs. She said, "I know, but keeping bad dreams away only works in a grown up bed."

Monday, April 17, 2006

Someday I will post happier thoughts

At 3 am, my 2 yo came to get in our bed, but took a wrong turn and knocked out her two front teeth. Every milestone seems to be a struggle for her and I am so afraid this might set her back. She has always been underweight.

I keep trying to praise God in all things. But it is so hard!

Thank you Lord, that Abbie wasn't seriously hurt, that I live far enough away to be spared from most of my parents ugly divorce, that our dog wasn't hit by a car again because she was out.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The day is over!

Well... today was my parents 30th wedding anniversary. (Divorce is still pending) My heart was very heavy today. I wish I could set it aside and be without all those feelings for a while.

I don't like people!

Animal Control came and got our dog out of our front yard last night. Neighbors said that before they drove up, she was sitting on the porch. Animal Control Claims she was in the street.

She is the only dog in town with tags... and now they want $45 and for us to drive 60 miles (round trip) to go get her!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Error: Not Found

A month ago, Abbie's Physical Therapist asked about "the baby in mommy's tummy" Abbie didn't answer, but with constant questioning, she finally started pointing to my tummy and saying, "Baby Bird!"

Now Abbie points to any tummy and says, "Baby Bird!" But today after identifying the baby bird in her middle she starts shouting at her ELBOW, "BABY BIRD? BABY BIRD?" Then she turns to me and asks, "Where a baby bird elbow?"

Friday, April 07, 2006

Tame The Darkness

I know that is is very dangerous digging through the dark recesses of my mind. Yet I do it all the time.

"Never walk unescorted through your own mind- it can be a dangerous neighborhood."

I think I continue to do this to desensitize myself to it. It's not so scary when you visit every day.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Everybody was kung fu fighting!

Men have a hard time realizing that pregnancy really is a full body experience. My entire skeletal frame is rocked nightly because this baby can now kick my ribs and surnum. My husband had to look to see how much room isn't left between the baby and my ribs.

So far this baby's personality is very "active".

Friday, March 31, 2006

White Oliander

I love watching movies that make me feel better about my own life. White Oliander is that kind of movie. Poisonous mother, kills boyfriend, leaving daughter to fend through her teenage years while enduring her moms poison from prison.

I may be crazy... but mmm yummy I feel better!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Husband cleaning barrier

Why is it that I can never clean the house with my husband around?

I clean SO well when everyone else is out of the house. But when he is hanging around, I am paralyzed to cleaning. I just sit and do nothing.

Sunday, March 26, 2006


I doubt anyone actually reads this blog.

But to any one who does, I am sorry I haven't been writing lately. My parents are going through a divorce after 30 years and I am electronically curling up and ignoring the world.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Where is my husband?

I was worried about him leaving... I told him that I didn't want him to go. The storm watch started at 4pm. It is now 5pm. We will get 1 - 2 FEET of snow in the next 24 hours...

Monday, January 02, 2006

I am not a big fan.

I am not a big fan of New Years. It's not the parties, games or anything like that...

It reminds me of all the failures in my life, the promises I failed to keep... the promises not kept to me.

Biggest of all, I have an ongoing argument with God. I have prayed every New Years Eve for one thing since I was 10. I disagree with God about the outcome of this prayer. Apparently it is my definition of the prayer against God's. I suppose I will never win this argument... but it just reminds me of the vast canyon between my prayers and God's will.