Scared

For over 4 years, my husband and I have been carrying a sign. (It isn't a real sign) It says "Church". It even has a nice 4x4 beam... ready to plant it somewhere. 4 years ago we were brought to this town, given a church building and started digging a hole for our sign on the corner of 4th and Delwood.

It seemed like the perfect place. There was a free house, a free church building and a few workers. It looked like the perfect place to put our sign. For a long time we tried to dig a hole right there on the corner... adjusting for things like rocks and roots.

Those rocks and roots ended up being more than we could handle.

One rock was found after a year of struggling... a pedophile in the leadership of the previous church! The pedophile had been sentenced for several life terms and the church split, the people of Westwood ran the pastor out of town.

Roots were more difficult... Previous pastors had informed the locals that drinking, smoking, rock music and dying your hair are all sins to repent for...

So while digging post holes, carrying our sign.... we have been carrying the weight of this building and the previous churches who met here.

Then there is the muck... Digging hasn't been in the best of circumstances. We came up with the fear of failure. We were told that we would never make it, we were ruining our children, Westwood isn't worth it... Then there was my parents ugly divorce, my aunt died in my car while I was driving, then the house fire, then learning we were GROSSLY under insured. AND the moving and moving and moving!

We have tried moving the digging to other places with various minor results...

Now after a full scale attack (We put a flyer on every doorknob in the main part in town) we have received little response.

We are pulling back... retreating.

We are now a Saturday night bible study.


Tomorrow morning (Sunday) we will not be digging.


I am afraid.

I have been digging for so long. I don't know how to NOT dig. I feel adrift.

Did I not look up to the sign giver and check for directions?
Did we fail?

I should have looked up more.
We have not failed.

Satan is still on the attack...
There is still much to do.
We don't know where we will be digging...
But for now, it will be at our new location... on Saturday nights.