Amie at 3 weeks!

She now weighs 9 lbs 9 ozs.

Things that Hallmark Cards don't say

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the heck was I thinking?"
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you .
I've changed my mind.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Georgia and Texas)
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
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We have been friends for a very long time .
Let's say we stop?
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I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

They are finally together...

LORD, THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER
She married and had 13 children.
Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
"Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,
"Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied,
"I think he means her legs."

24 hour Dairy Queen

Abbie was watching me pump milk for our new baby... she was quite facinated and tried to talk to me about it. Lacking all necessary verbs and most of the nouns... she finally decided that I was getting milk out of my belly button.

Why wait?

Cholesterol kills more people than guns ~

According to Larry the cable guy, Anti gun people would save more lives if they put a 5 day wait on Popeye's fried chicken.

Farewell to stumpy.

Amie's umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday. This has given Abbie great relief! She has been very disturbed that her "belly button stuck!" Now she looks like Abbie thinks she should.

“High-risk Lovemaking”

“High-risk Lovemaking”

This is HYSTERICAL! It involves a conversation between a husband and wife... It is meant to make fun of Radical Homebirth arguments.

I love it!

Next time... Africa!

Some celebrities have the right idea! I will go to Africa to have my next baby. Aparently my family is pissy about me not answering the phone for 4 days after my due date. It also could contain some anger for the unassisted homebirth.

Honestly, I don't see how it is anyones business. I do not have to explain my self to ANYONE!

I originally made a big post about the national statistics on unassisted homebirth vs. the local hospital's #'s... but once again... it isn't your business! If you can't trust we are doing what is right and best for us and our family... I don't know what to tell you.

Calling on my due date, warning me of all the "risks" and trying to scare me... is just mean. Calling the rest of the family and getting them to call me... is wrong! Calling our work, friends and our friends family (WHO WERE ON VACATION) is TERRIBLE! If you are going to treat me like that, I don't need you. I will not be controlled by you.

I am going to continue to do what is right for me and my family. If you cannot respect that... and NEVER bring it up again. Then I cannot have contact with you. I cannot live, fearing what you will say or how you feel about every decision I make.

Finally... Amie arrives!

Here she is! 9 lbs. 5 ozs, 14 inch head and 21 inches long!

Abbie's so sad tummy

For 2 nights in a row, Abbie has been throwing up. She is fine during the day. Our sheets are in the wash AGAIN and it is 3 am. Jason and Abbie are asleep right now in the guest bedroom trying to get SOME sleep.

Just add counceling

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I Clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his Wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your Radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar Detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing Your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took It off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have Your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver Turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband Always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."